Will you marry me?

Here we are, almost one year out from losing the love of my life.  If that sounds tragic, it is.  I still remember the beginning like it was yesterday.  Kevin and I met in, of all places, Antarctica.  Kevin and I were both in the Navy at the time.  I had been working on F14 Tomcats (the best plane ever made), stationed out of Pt. Mugu, California.  I was up for new orders and had been assigned to an aircraft carrier out of San Diego.  It was going to be the first aircraft carrier to deploy women.  Needless to say, I was not super thrilled with being part of that experiment.  So, I persistently called my detailer to see what else was available.  After a few attempts, he told me about a C130 unit stationed in Pt. Mugu that deployed to Antarctica.  I would have to extend my enlistment by one year and get retrained to work on C130's.  I hate the cold weather, but felt that staying in Pt. Mugu for half the year and avoiding the 'great experiment' was worth it. 

Upon completion of C130 school, I was assigned to VXE-6.  Kevin had already been at VXE-6 for a number of years and was a seasoned Antarctic explorer.  He had deployed early to get things ready for the rest of the squadron.  I humbly state that, for Kevin, it was love at first sight (or so he used to say).  For me, I was certainly not looking to be attached and very much enjoyed his friendship.  He was funny and handsome and a genuinely nice guy.  Bonus:  he was aircrew and made frequent trips to New Zealand.  Being friends with an aircrew member was ideal, as they had the means and methods to bring awesome treats, such as fresh fruits and veggies and milk.  Yes, it was the little things in those days!

I remember at one point, developing a bit of a crush.  I even finagled my way on to a crew flight to South Pole station.  It was Kevin's crew.  The pilot agreed to let me join them one evening.  Little did I know that Kevin had hurt his knee and would not be on the flight that night.  Despite that disappointment, it was still a great trip.  We had a bit of excitement on the way back.  If you ever want to hear about the ice runway landing, in cross winds, I would be happy to tell you the story. 

Long story short, we dated.  Kevin was a romantic.  He wrote me many love letters and gifted me with lots of flowers.  He definitely set a high bar!  I truly felt like a princess in his eyes.  He believed in me, and felt I could do anything I set my mind on.  I loved his honesty and his quiet strength.  He was so handsome.  We loved to spend time together and enjoyed many of the same things. 

One Friday evening, Kevin told me that he was going to head up to Santa Barbara to play basketball with his friend Richard.  I was pretty bummed, as I would have rather him spent the evening with me.  However, my girlfriends, Jamie and Jackie, came up with a great plan.  We would go for a sunset walk on the beach and grab dinner.  I met up with them, and we headed out for a walk.  About one mile into the walk, Kevin came running out from behind the sand dunes, reciting some cheesy line from Point Break (one of my favorite movies).  Needless to say, I was very confused.  My girlfriends started laughing and ran off waving goodbye.  Okay, now I was super confused.  Kevin took my hand and walked me over to a picnic blanket and basket.  He had wine, cheese, fruit and a card.  He read me the beautiful card he had written.  His hands were shaking.  After he finished reading, he asked me to marry him.  "YES!". 

Our friends had hedged their bets on my answer and threw us an awesome engagement party.  We were married three months later on August 10, 1997.  Truly, that was just the beginning of our story.  Life dealt us many ups and downs.  Some were easy to weather and brought us closer.  Others were pretty intense and nearly broke our bond apart.  However, we endured and built a beautiful life together.  He was the peanut butter to my jelly.  I miss him every day.  I miss doing life with him.  My mom tells me that he is still here.  She says that we had spent so much time talking about our dreams that she sees me walking in step with him still.  It has been a bit hard to see that this past year. 

My grandma once told me that she felt she could not think straight for a solid two years after my grandpa passed away.  I understand that now.  I do know that my heart is healing a bit each day, but I suspect that gap will never be filled.  I have told the girls that this week may be tough or it may not be.  They should allow themselves to feel happy, sad or anything in between!  I supposed I should heed that same advice.