Pumpkin Carving and Pranks.

I do not remember loving pumpkin carving as a child, but I genuinely love it as an adult.  It has become one of my favorite Halloween activities.  Friday night, we went pumpkin shopping.  The girls did their entire pumpkins start to finish this year.  Thank goodness, since my pumpkin had such thick walls, my hands were super tired afterward.  I am not sure I could have helped much after that.  

We tried wrapping the pumpkins in saran wrap again this year, thinking it would help keep our pictures on.  As usual, we quickly tossed it to the side. 

Kendall did an awesome flower arrangement.  I think it looks a lot like the flowers we saw in Hawaii.

Sidney did a horse and colt silhouette.  It turned out great.

I did this one, simply because I thought it was beautiful.

So, the girls are incredibly spoiled.  Grandmas Terrell makes Sidney a sack lunch every Thursday for her to take to horseback riding.  Last week Sidney pulled out her sandwich to find this spider resting neatly inside.  Hilarious!

The House is Taking Shape.

Wow, once they got started on my parent's house, it has been moving lighting fast.  The siding is now up.  Plumbing, HVAC and electricity are in.  They will be doing insulation and drywall next week.

It has been fun watching it go up.  It is reminiscent of Terrell's house seven years ago this month.  I try not to get too excited, as I remember her house ticking along and then everything came to a screeching halt for almost a solid month waiting on one of the trades.  Here are my parents in front of their living room windows.

My Dad taking his first soak in the bathtub.

My mom doing dishes (or dancing) at the kitchen island.

The view from the back yard.

Fall, Family and Friends.

If I have not said it already, I will say it again "Fall has become my favorite season."  The girls and I have been trying to take advantage of my Dad's new job at the golf course.  I will say one thing for certain, his personal golf game is off the charts!  No more slicing, straight down the fairway.

Sidney and I spent a Sunday afternoon digging up the  grass around our side yard herb garden.  A few days later, she helped my dad lay weed barrier and rock.  It looks beautiful!  Though, I think I need to add one more raised bed now:)

Hannah stayed over, and I put her and the girls to work raking leaves.  They did not seem to mind at all!  The girls raked the neighbors leaves, and he magically 'found' a couple of movie passes lying around a few days later.  Seriously, Steve!

Sidney went to Spooktacular with her friend, Avery's, family.

They had a great time, and I received a lot of fun pictures along the way.

Sidney is still loving every minute of horseback  riding.  She had grown quite confident around the horses.  Her favorite thing to do right now is trotting.  I love this girl!

I love this sweet girl too.  She is part sassy teenager and part cuddly young girl.  Sometimes I have trouble keeping up with which one woke up that morning, but I sure love doing life with her!

Kendall has been teaching herself to dutch braid.  She is getting quite good.

The girls and I went to the musical Newsies with Grandma Terrell.  We agree that this one might be the best, however, I think we say that after every musical!

Birds of Prey and Fall Flights.

Sidney needed to write a paper for one of her classes about an environmental issue.  She had earned a set of passes for the World Center for Birds of Prey  I agreed to take her there on a Sunday afternoon.  It is only about a mile from our house, and I had never actually went through it.  She and I set out for the adventure.  

We got there just before feeding time.  It was both fascinating and disgusting.  I would encourage any one who has not been there to go.  I learned so much!

We got lucky in that they were doing 'Fall Flights' that evening.  This only happens during the fall and only a few nights a week.  We ran back to the house to pick up Kendall and Grandma Karen.  When we got back, they had a falcon and a screech owl in the courtyard and were doing demonstrations. 

After that, we took seats in the outdoor amphitheater.  The presentation was about one hour in length.   They flew four different types of birds over our heads; an owl, a hawk, and two types of falcons.  It was beautiful.  One of the birds dive bombed me, no joke.  I nearly fell off my concrete perch.  The man running the show, even joked that he should mention their insurers.  The girls thought it was pretty hilarious.

It was definitely a worthwhile trip!

Grief.

I have learned this past year that grief is strange.  It is also very personal and most certainly not one size fits all.  Kevin was a huge part of our lives.  I do not think we will ever get over 'it' or get over him.  We will move on with our lives, but the grief will still come.  It comes at the strangest times.  For Sidney, it was the smell of Naked Bee lotion one day.  Lisa had bought Kevin some while he was in the hospital.  I had squeezed the last of it onto my hands a few months back and darted out to a 4H meeting.  Sidney came over to hug me goodbye and smelled the lotion.  It immediately brought tears to her eyes, as it reminded her of her daddy.  For Kendall, it was the father and daughter dance at a wedding we attended this summer.  She tried to contain her sadness, but it was too much.  She told me it was sad to know that her daddy would not be at her wedding some day.  For me, it is the unexpected things.  The quail bombarding me in the garage, just like an Alfred Hitchcock movie (I will save that one for another blog).  That morning, I could literally hear his laugh as I ran shrieking into the house.  It was also the first night of parenting class.  I had no idea that the wave of grief would overcome me, as I sat there and realized that I was the  only single parent in the group.  

I have also realized how much the world around us does not understand death, nor how to respond, myself included.  I find myself often holding my feelings in, so that I do not make others feel uncomfortable.  I find that most of the world thinks that their is an expiration on the time allowed for grief.  Still others have avoided us and are afraid to mention Kevin's name or ask how we are doing, because they do not want us to be upset.  I often find myself secretly urging people to ask, to please acknowledge the huge gaping hole that has been left in our lives.  

When my parents came to live with us, my mom commented that she could see and hear Kevin in every room.  She did not mean it in the 'ghostly, haunted fashion'.  She just meant that his presence was here.  His laughter was here.  The memories of him walking from place to place in the house and him sitting in his favorite chair were so vivid.  

We often laugh about the silly things he did or the stories he told.  We also cry at the thought that we will not get a last hug or a last kiss.  The other day, one of the men in the parenting group asked me what personality traits each of the girls got from Kevin.  For Kendall, it is her sense of adventure.  For Sidney, it is her stubbornness (sorry) and her quiet determination.  I was so surprised by this question, as I had not really thought about it.  I was also incredibly grateful for this question, as he was acknowledging what a significant part of our lives Kevin was and will always be.  

Yes, grief is weird.  I am still not sure how to process it.  As we approach the one year mark, I find myself reflecting almost hourly.  Everything brings me back to one year ago, when we did not realize how much precious little time we had left.  Grief has made me more compassionate.  Grief has made me softer.  Grief has made me experience the highest of highs and the lowest of lows.  The past year has been surreal.  We heal a bit more each day.  We have beautiful lives.  We will enjoy every moment that we get here on earth, but I have learned all too well that our life here is short.  Above all else, when it is over, everything that we have acquired and achieved here stays behind.  

Mai Tais, Sunsets and Saltwater.

We took a trip to Maui this month.  We had booked it in January and had been looking forward to it all year.  My parents came with us.  We had the most amazing rooms that overlooked the ocean and we were able to shout across the balcony rails to each other.  The week prior to leaving, I had started to look into booking a bunch of activities.  However, I realized that what we needed was some good old fashioned beach time!  We had all been working so hard at school and work in order to really relax and enjoy.  Well, that is exactly what we did.  We had mai tai's and mud pies every evening.  We got to know our server, Alfie, quite well throughout the trip.  He made sure we were always well taken care of.

The girls put on their suits and headed to the ocean as soon as we got there.  We were actually a bit north of the airport in Kaanapali.  It was quiet.  The beaches were not crowded, and it was only three steps from our hotel to the sand. 

When I was not playing in the ocean with the girls, I was sitting in my beach chair enjoying a good book and conversation with my parents.

We swam in the ocean by day and enjoyed the ocean bottom pool in the evenings.  It was a perfect combination.

The hotel offered yoga in the mornings.  This was the beautiful view from my yoga retreat.

We did book one tourist activity, a Luau.  I am so glad we did.  The girls really enjoyed every minute of it.  My parents and I had been to Luau's in the past, so it was not as exciting for us.  However, everyone must experience a Luau at least once in their lifetime.

Kendall coerced my mom into heading to the front for hula lessons.  They had such a fun time.  We also had quite a good time watching them!

The girls checked out boogie boards from the hotel each day.  My  dad and I gave it a hand, but I think we were both hoping for bigger waves.  The surfer in us kept wanting to 'paddle out'.

We spent a day moving from beach to beach looking for good snorkeling, to no avail.  Sid was a bit nervous.  Once I finally got her comfortable and in the water, a sea turtle swam by.  I started screaming with excitement.  Before I knew it, Sidney had run to shore and asked me if I had seen a shark.  Silly girl.  In typical fashion, Kendall had no fear, but she absolutely terrified me.  I nominated my dad to stay by her side as she kept going further and further out.

We did go to the Maui Aquarium on the recommendation of one of Kendall's friends.  I am so glad we did for a number of reasons.  Reason number one is that is was incredibly awesome!  Reason number two, it was beautiful to see the fish, since we did not have great luck on our snorkeling adventure.  Reason number three, it was incredibly educational.  Reason number four, they had an AMAZING gift shop.  I could go on and on.

We may as well stop answering out phones, because I am pretty sure Hollywood will be calling after they see our awesome 'act surprised' shot below.  I am a glutton for tourist pictures!

In all seriousness, it was the most beautiful, relaxing trip ever.  We thought often of Kevin and wished he could have been there with us.  He would have told us the same pineapple and mango stories over and over again.  My mom bought me a sweatshirt while we there that said, 'saltwater heals everything'.  While that may not be true, it was very healing to my soul!